Where Do Our Thoughts Really Come From?
Most of us go through life assuming our thoughts represent our true selves. But when we look a bit closer, we realize that many of our thoughts are like hand-me-downs, shaped by our environment, past experiences, and even social expectations we’ve never questioned. In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about how our brains rely on these patterns as a way to operate on autopilot, replaying thoughts and reactions we've unknowingly adopted over the years.
Think of some common thoughts—“I’d never vote for them,” “How could someone even think that?” or “My side has it right.” When we don’t question thoughts like these, they become part of our identity, defining how we see the world and the people in it. And while they might feel comforting, these thoughts can also limit our perspective. Dispenza explains that the brain resists changing these ingrained patterns because they’ve become familiar, even if they’re not necessarily “true” or helpful.
Our thoughts are a constant stream, often shaped by past experiences, emotions, and environments. But do we ever stop to ask ourselves where these thoughts come from or why they stick around? This process of questioning and observing our thoughts is called metacognition—thinking about your thinking. It lets you view thoughts as objects you can examine and reshape rather than simply accepting them. By practicing metacognition, you start to build a mental 'muscle' for separating helpful thoughts from limiting ones, creating greater self-awareness and freedom.
The Building Blocks of Our Thoughts
So, what actually shapes our thoughts? And how much of it is truly ours? Here are some of the biggest influences:
- Sensory Input: Our brains are constantly reacting to information from the outside world, shaping our thoughts without us even noticing. For example, in an election season, every campaign ad, debate clip, or social media post can add to a growing stack of reactions and assumptions. Just hearing a familiar catchphrase from the “other side” might trigger an instant, negative thought—without us ever considering the reasons behind it.
- Memory and Experience: Past experiences, whether personal or collective, often shape our automatic reactions. If you’ve grown up around people who only support one political party, the idea of voting for anyone else may feel like betraying those values. But just because those beliefs are embedded doesn’t mean they’re unchangeable. Joe Dispenza points out that many of these “memory loops” are comfort zones that we fall into. They feel right because they’re familiar—not because they’re true.
The Discomfort of Cognitive Dissonance
Let’s say you’ve spent most of your life aligned with one political viewpoint, and you’ve always seen people on the other side as uninformed or even misguided. Then, one day, you find out a close friend—someone you deeply respect and care about—supports that opposing side. It’s jarring, right? You feel a rift between your assumptions and the reality of who your friend is. This tension is what’s known as cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort we feel when our beliefs clash with new information. It’s like the moment we first realized Santa Claus isn’t real. That revelation can bring up emotions like disappointment, betrayal, or curiosity, depending on how you process it. Similarly, discovering that someone you admire holds beliefs that seem opposite to yours can be unsettling, especially if you've never questioned why you held those beliefs in the first place.
I remember a friend of mine who had a similar experience. She’d always been a staunch supporter of her political party, and to her, the opposing party represented everything wrong with society. One day, she found out her brother—a person she loved and respected—voted for the “other side.” At first, she felt disappointed and a bit betrayed. But rather than let that disappointment drive a wedge between them, she chose to ask him about his reasons. What she found was eye-opening: his perspective was based on values and experiences she hadn’t considered, even though they both cared about similar core issues. This moment didn’t necessarily change her vote, but it expanded her view, making her realize her beliefs weren’t the only valid ones out there.
Why We’re Easily Influenced by Our Thoughts
Our brains often prefer the comfort of familiar thoughts and beliefs, even if they don’t serve us well. Here’s why we’re so easily manipulated by our own thinking patterns:
- Automatic Thought Loops: These are the repetitive thoughts we accept without questioning, like “People who vote like that are just wrong” or “I know I’m right.” They feel natural because we’ve repeated them so many times. But when we take them at face value, we overlook the complexity behind them.
- Confirmation Bias: We’re hardwired to seek out information that supports our beliefs. If we think, “People who vote for X are all the same,” we unconsciously look for examples that support this idea, ignoring evidence to the contrary. This is why cognitive dissonance is so uncomfortable—it’s literally our brain trying to reject anything that doesn’t fit the narrative we’ve built.
Breaking Free: How to Think for Yourself
Joe Dispenza argues that real growth happens when we intentionally break these patterns. Here’s how to get started:
- Challenge Your Assumptions
When a thought arises, instead of just accepting it, pause and ask yourself, “Where is this coming from? Is this truly my own belief, or did I pick it up somewhere along the way?” This simple act of questioning can shift your perspective in profound ways. It’s like the moment we first realized Santa wasn’t real; although uncomfortable, the realization brought a new level of understanding. Just because a belief is comforting doesn’t mean it’s real.
- Practice Mindfulness to Notice Thought Patterns
Awareness is the first step to change. When you observe your thoughts—without judging or clinging to them—you begin to see patterns you might not have noticed before. It’s a way of recognizing that thoughts are temporary, not fixed truths. This distance allows you to choose which thoughts to engage with and which to release.
- Lean Into Cognitive Dissonance as a Tool for Growth
Discomfort is a sign that you’re challenging old patterns. Instead of avoiding it, use it as a signal to dig deeper. For my friend, the cognitive dissonance she felt about her brother’s political views didn’t mean her beliefs were invalid. It was a chance to see things from another perspective, broadening her view and giving her a more nuanced understanding.
- Embrace Curiosity and Explore New Perspectives
Being curious about other viewpoints doesn’t mean giving up your own. It means broadening your horizons. When we expose ourselves to diverse perspectives, whether by talking to people with different views or by reading opposing viewpoints, we add depth to our own beliefs. The goal isn’t to abandon your ideas but to ensure they’re well-rounded and truly yours.
The Freedom of Thinking for Yourself
On the other side of cognitive dissonance and self-reflection is freedom. When you realize that thoughts and beliefs aren’t set in stone, you’re free to evolve. Imagine being able to listen to differing opinions without feeling threatened or constrained by old patterns. Dr. Dispenza explains that our thoughts shape our reality, and by challenging them, we open ourselves up to new experiences, relationships, and ways of seeing the world.
Expanding Beyond Familiar Comfort
At the end of the day, we all have a choice: stay in the comfort of familiar thoughts or break free to explore new ones. Breaking out of automatic thinking is like choosing to see past childhood beliefs; it takes courage but leads to a clearer, more independent perspective. So, if you’ve ever found yourself locked in a pattern of thought that isn’t helping you grow, maybe it’s time to start challenging it. Growth doesn’t come from holding onto what’s comfortable—it comes from daring to question it.
